Of Ice, Death & Monsters

Chapter 119 : For The Truth Is Here

I fell to my knees in the weird metal scape living room with Jane, my mind all hazy as I collected myself. It was going well until she had that Leshy power up, and then again when the Caretaker took over. She literally had an entire blank space in her mind because she was completely turned into the Caretaker!

I looked at Jane, who also heaved, but she had a different tired look on her face, something more akin to… I wanna say stress? She looked rather stressed out anyway.

“That bitch… She thinks she could waltz around and talk about me like that? She only got her ass whooped around every time she got it. I didn’t even get so much of a beating!” She crossed her arms, but not out of pride, more so on something I could only have described as ‘annoyance.’

“I mean, she can regenerate really fast.” I pointed out. “She can afford to take the hits more than you can, plus her power doesn’t seem to be offensive at all like yours. She’s more so a utility support type compared to your whole pure offensive mage build you’re sprouting.”

I sat down at the opposite end of her. “I mean, I don’t think you could take on the punishment she did. I don’t think you could have survived against that vampire.”

“Hah! As if I would have whooped his but from here to Turnabound! He wouldn’t know what hit him, try absorbing pure and absolute destruction, dumbass!” She huffed herself up before sighing. “But… That bitch is literally summoning the gods now, and they’re mostly going to be on her side…”

Oh, it was time for that topic, huh… Yeah, the key takeaway from that whole memory jump, well, aside from the fact that she was definitely traumatized and heavily trying to take her anger out on others. 

“And she’s actually succeeding… So that’s why everyone is already trying to find me.”

Jane gripped her hands together tightly. Her voice continued to grow in more and more rage as she reviewed all the info we got. “I can’t believe it, she killed all of the Descendents that rescued me when we got here… I was wondering what happened and now…”

Her hair began to blaze again. I had to act fast or else she would go off the deep end. “Well, at least I could try to talk to them again in the Smorodina- But how are you going to deal with Marian now?”

“Well, I mean, I was always rearing to go after Marzenna, who better to help out than someone else who got screwed by the system and kicked all their asses.”

I raised my eyebrows at that. “I’m not sure that’s quite a good idea. I mean, she literally plunged the land into an eternal winter, and people are dying left, right, and center. She’s one of the main reasons nobody could even leave this place at all.”

“Well, when you met ‘Morana’ , what was she like?”

I thought about it for a moment. Veles literally had to go and give me ways for me to activate my power to revive so that I could survive. She nearly had me use it all because I said the wrong words. 

But, she wasn’t all bad. I don’t know which brain of mine was thinking that, the top or bottom, but either way, she was tragic. I couldn’t really blame either side of the story that came about. Whether she was cheated on or if she endlessly sacrificed over and over again.

“Well, I guess she’s a little, uh, for lack of a better word, cold at the start, but she kinda warmed up, but she did literally kill me twice when I met her, so good luck there.”

“Hah, maybe when I find you, you can work your moves on Marzenna too.”

I laughed awkwardly and looked away. “Listen... I don’t really think I should choose a side. Especially because…. Either way, I’m gonna get hunted by someone else.” 

“So you really don’t care what Epithat does to Phorash? What will they definitely do to the entire world?”

“I-I didn’t say that! I just, ugh, this is so complicated. Without even choosing a sid,e I’m already enemy number one for the entirety of Galfania or Jawia or whatever. I just want to leave and find some place to hold up.”

Jane sneered and crossed her arms. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Didn’t you want to become special? Didn’t you want to finally make something of yourself?”

She was right, utterly and completely right. That’s what I wanted to do, for the last two years, I felt like I was a complete joke. I had no money, no home, barely any jobs, and nothing to go by. Now I was wanted… Now I have power…

I looked at my hands. I had everything I ever wanted and even needed. If I continue, if I just follow what the others did, I’m quite sure I can grow just like them, and by how they talked and thought about me, I could grow even more.

So why? Why do I feel so empty? Why do I feel like this isn’t… Worth it? Why do I feel like I want to go back home and just rest in peace? After everything I’ve been through… Hah.

What I’ve been through still didn’t even amount to what they’ve had to deal with for the past few weeks. They literally cleaned out whole regions while I slept in bed, even on my one day out here, all I did was essentially enter into one monster’s mind and train with Veles.

“I do… I wanted to make something of myself, but you were right. You were always right, Jane. I was being ungrateful. I shouldn’t have joined this mission. I was being too shallow… I didn’t realize how much better I had it-“

“I was wrong too, you know.” She immediately crossed her arms. “I thought I was gonna die out here. I thought this was gonna be the day I finally kicked the bucket and that I should just accept whatever report of my death they’ll write, cause that’s the closest thing to a funeral my sorry ass would get.”

Jane then smiled. “But I was wrong. I didn’t die, I got back up, and life went better and better.” She leaned over to me. “This is our second chance, Peter. This is the chance for our lives to finally be what we want them to be! This is our Destiny! Our Fate!”

“You’re… Starting to sound like Marian a bit.” I said slightly aloud.

Jane groaned, but kinda simply sighed. “'Cause I hate to admit it, she’s right about that. This isn’t some kind of series of coincidences upon coincidences. We were chosen and given these powers for a reason!”

I can’t really believe that. I literally can’t. I only got these powers because I murdered… And I can’t even say that, or rather, I didn’t want to. Only Baba Yaga may know that, and nobody else! 

But it was an accident. It could have happened to anyone else… It could have happened to even Marian and Jane. I’m only here because I made a mistake, if killing John could even be called a mistake.

‘Mistake or not, remember why you even continue to do anything.’

A voice mumbled in me, was it mine or someone else’s? I couldn’t tell, but whoever they were, they were right. I’m staying here because I also want to help others, I need to carry their burden… But what do I even choose? How could I choose?

The gods seek to rid themselves of me. Jane, well, she wants me to join her and set everything back home on fire. Marian wants me to destroy Jane and help Epithet grow. What could I do, what would I do?

I couldn’t hide forever. I had to make a choice… A single choice to decide it all, or well, that’s how it’s being framed over and over again. But maybe, maybe there was another way.

Maybe I just didn’t see what I could do. There was always another way to look at things, maybe I just needed more time, or maybe not just more time but more perspectives, and more importantly, more power to look at those perspectives.

“You’re right. But who decides who’s in the right and who’s in the wrong? Both you and Marian were granted this power, but me… I wasn’t granted by some higher standing; it was more like a test given to me by some crazy third party. But it seems I’m vital for the both of you.”

“Who’s right and who’s wrong- are you hearing yourself right now, dude? On one side, you have freedom fighters trying to get people to have the right to own Magick. And on the other side, you have crazy people who are trying to hoard Magick to themselves. Like we haven’t even begun to talk about how much they influence the government!”

Well, I mean… I can’t really discredit that. Epithet might as well be the government at this point, actually, no, they won’t ever be the government because that would mean they have to showcase even appearing to take on some responsibility, which well… They won’t ever even come close to doing that. 

Epithet has won, and the only way to make sure they don’t win any more is to literally have the powers of gods and hurl it at them, but do I have the right? There were hundreds and thousands of people like Adrian all across Epithet. So many people were just following orders, doing their jobs.

Even I would have simply accepted it and turned a blind eye… Or well, I used to. But if I’m helping out everyone, from Morana to Bartholomew to Rodion, and so forth. I can no longer turn a blind eye.

I stared at Jane for a moment before straightening myself up. “Maybe it’s not simply burning it all to the ground. You cut off one head, and more will grow back in its place. If we have to make it permanent, then we have to actually make a difference. Someone else has to be in power.”

“Well, at least now you’re talking my style. What’s next? Are you gonna say it should be you?”

I scratched the back of my head for comfort. “I wouldn’t go so far as to suggest myself. I’m no Star King. And even if you do Name your group the ‘Court of Jane, ’ I don’t think you want to rule either.”

Jane gave it a little thought. “I guess no… I don’t even know how courts actually work except the court of law, but those courts suck ass because well… You know.”

Yeah, it’s hard to be tried for anything related to Epithet when they also fund courts and prisons. But it does do wonders for every other crime that’s not related, which is to say crimes that barely get any recognition because those aren’t drawn out.

“So then, I guess if I had to help… If I could help, I would try to make sure that there was a plan after the burning. I know you want to use me to make sure everyone is pacified and everyone understands what to do, but there has to be more than that. I don’t want to be stuck as some weird ass gestalt amalgamation forever.”

“I guess not… But then, like what’s the idea then? Do we just go around asking and interviewing people?”

“Maybe we can ask the others from like Balthalem, Berfada or-“

Then a familiar voice pierced through the air as a door opened up and a familiar wolf began to strut in. “Or perhaps we do not placate such nonsensical dribble!”

Shouted Marian at the top of her lungs.